The World of Dating: South Asian Adults
Regardless of your family’s immigration status, be it first, second, third or fourth generation American – most families of South Asian descent in America have relatively rigid ideas on what dating should look like for this generation of young Desi adults. Many Desi parents are uncomfortable engaging in dialogue around dating or sex with their children due to the fear of encouraging pre-marital sex. Some may even forbid them from dating until they are engaged to someone with parental blessing. This can often lead to young adults entering college life with no understanding of how to navigate the dating scene, and no parents to lean on for relationship support.
The moralism which is sometimes associated with dating and marriage in South Asian culture may cause young adults to face challenges as they begin to form romantic relationships. The absence of open dialogue in some South Asian families around intimate partners, sexuality, feelings and consent can often leave individuals entering the world of dating feeling overwhelmed and confused. These feelings are only further exacerbated when they realize their peers from different cultural backgrounds may have more experience and knowledge around navigating romantic relationships. . The fear of being judged by their non-Desi counterparts, can often lead them to rush into intimate relationships they may not be fully comfortable with or ready for. Furthermore, the lack of openness in some South Asian families can lead to young Desi Americans feeling a sense of pressure to keep their relationships hidden from their families for years. This can often leave individuals feeling isolated and confused who to turn to for support who can understand the cultural context surrounding dating as a South Asian in America.
People who are not as familiar with South Asian culture may wonder why young adults feel such a sense of pressure and obligation towards their parents, especially regarding their love life. This often stems from the core belief that South Asian children will always owe their parents “sound choices and decisions” because of the sacrifices that their parents have made in migrating to America, and providing them with a better life. However, this sense of familial obligation, can also be partly attributed to the discouragement of divorce within the South Asian community. Many Desi Americans may stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of tradition or appearances. Thus some South Asian young adults who are newly entering the dating world may not have grown up witnessing healthy relationship dynamics and thus are unable to identify red flags in relationships. This can often cause individuals to stay in relationships that are damaging to their self-worth and confidence.
The influx of advertisements for dating apps like Tinder or Dil Mil (specifically marketing towards South Asian Americans) often lead these young adults to dive head first into casual dating or “hook up culture” which they may not have been exposed to while living with their parents. Many of these young adults believe their college years are the only few years of true freedom that they will have until their parents decide they are ready for marriage. This concept of short term “freedom” can cause Desi young adults to engage in potentially dangerous behaviors in fear of never being able to be free to enjoy themselves and explore who they are again. These experiences can have a long lasting impact on an individual’s mental health and self-control.
Although there is no one true experience that applies to all South Asian Americans, there are levels of cultural competency regarding dating as a South Asian American young adult that can be hard to explain to someone who is not part of the community. This often discourages South Asian Americans from seeking help when they are struggling with family dynamics, relationship issues, or overall mental and emotional wellbeing. It may seem like mental healthcare is not available or accessible to our community but remind yourself that you are not alone! Schedule a consultation with our client Concierge to explore how therapy with a Desi or South Asian therapist can strengthen your sense of self to help you navigate your love life with confidence and ease.