Reasons Why Marital Wellness Checks in Therapy matter: Couples Therapy

Whether we like to admit it or not, no relationship is perfect. All couples experience conflict from time to time. The classic culprits responsible for these encounters are spending habits, differing sex drives, family of origin involvement in the relationship, miscommunication, and other patterns of argument that seem never-ending. However, for many couples, a new stressor has been added into the mix – living together in quarantine. This is especially true for married or cohabitating couples who were forced to work from home over the last year and a half in the pandemic. 

Anyone forced to live, sleep, eat, bathe, work and sleep with one person in a confined space (like a small New York City apartment) for months on end with no other in-person human interaction is bound to experience some level of annoyance and tension. This also may have brought to light new relationship anxieties for one or all partners. This could be something as small as noticing how loudly your partner chews for the first time, or noticing their low motivation to pick up after themselves over the course of quarantine. Although it may have seemed like lockdown was a “staycation with bae” at first, some days might feel more like strangers living together acclimating to each other's “new” habits.

As the months go on, you may have found yourself picking at more and more of these little annoyances as you were forced to really be alone with each other under increasing amounts of stress and uncertainty. Individually, these may not be relationship ending flaws, but together they can be enough to plant seeds of doubt and supplementary reasons for argument, which is where marital wellness checks in couples therapy can help. 

Therapy can provide married couples with the tools to communicate healthily and empowers partners to ask for what they need from their relationships. Individual needs can vary from person to person. For some partners, keeping a balance between the “we” time and “me” time, without worrying about hurting your partner's feelings or making them feel rejected can feel essential. While for others, maintaining active sexual or romantic intimacy during times of stress may remind them they are not struggling through this time with a roommate instead of a partner. Love can often allow us to tolerate certain anxious habits from our partner in small doses, but in periods of high stress our anxious habits turn into our means to cope. Which can mean that your partner’s restless leg syndrome once in a while that didn’t really bother you, may now become restless leg shaking eight hours a day that distracts you from working. Learning healthy communication skills can prevent these little annoyances from turning into anger and resentment, which can be detrimental for your marriage in the long haul. 

Couples therapy is often seen as a last resort when in reality, frequent marital wellness checks can facilitate a safe productive space to nip unhealthy behavior in the bud and prevent resentful feelings from developing. Couples therapy can therefore be the one time a week when you really evaluate who you are both inside and outside of your relationship. It can ensure you are both on the same page and equally satisfied with your partnership. It is important to clearly define how quantity of time does not equate to quality time together, especially during this pandemic. Although you may be spending more physical time with your partner, it can be beneficial for couples who want a deeper, more fulfilling connection to stay curious about the things that make your partner feel revitalized and irked. This ongoing curiosity can keep lines of communication open and emotional intimacy prevalent in a marriage. REACH OUT to us to learn more about our COUPLES THERAPY services.