How to Get Your Child to Attend Therapy for Teens

You’ve made it through the first steps: recognizing your teen is struggling with their mental health and broaching the topic of therapy with them. But what do you do if you've met with resistance? Getting your teen to see an online teen therapist in New York, Connecticut, or New Jersey can be a difficult feat, but there are additional steps you can take to help facilitate that process. 

Change is often challenging, which is why adolescence can be such a difficult period of life. In our teen years, we experience rapid physical, emotional, and social growth that can disrupt our sense of self, our relationships, and our overall well-being. Combine that with the harmful effects of social media, the increasing pressures of high school, and the lingering impact of COVID-19 on teens, and it’s no wonder why adolescents today are facing more mental health struggles than ever before. 

Parents, We Know You’re Trying!

As a parent, you want to best support your teen during this challenging time – but what do you do if they are resistant to the idea of therapy for teens? Perhaps your child feels like they don’t need to see an online therapist, that therapy is “punishment," or that a therapist will not be able to fully understand and help them. They may also be concerned about the stigma around mental health or feel reluctant to put in the time and energy required. Whatever their reason(s) may be, it can leave parents in a difficult position of wanting to respect their teen’s feelings while also providing them with adequate support.

Encouraging a reluctant person to attend therapy for teens can be a delicate conversation and will require both patience and persistence. Below are steps you as a parent can take to support your child in their healing journey. 

Validate Their Feelings

Starting therapy can make anyone feel scared, intimidated, and vulnerable. The stigma around mental health certainly doesn’t help, and it’s not uncommon for teens to feel like going to therapy means something is “wrong” with them. We encourage you to ask your teen why they are reluctant to go, and then listen with compassion and curiosity. Let them know that any fears or concerns they have are understandable and that they are entitled to those feelings. You can also mention that, while you respect their perspective, you still have a responsibility to support them in the best way you can. 

Let Them Know This is a Team Effort

Acknowledge that this is a family problem, not the fault of a single person. Let your teen know that you view this as a team effort and that you will also be putting time and energy into improving the situation. Share with them the steps you are going to take, such as seeing a therapist yourself, modifying certain behaviors, etc. If your child sees you taking matters seriously and acting accordingly, they may feel less resistance towards the idea of seeking help themselves. Let your teen know that they aren’t going to therapy because they’re the problem; they’re going to therapy because they’re part of the solution.

Involve Them in the Process

If your teen feels included in the process of finding a therapist, they may be more open to the idea of speaking to someone. Research shows that the most important ingredient for successful psychotherapy is the therapeutic alliance – how much the client likes and gets along with their teen therapist – so your teen’s opinion on who they see for therapy for teens matters immensely. Take into consideration your child’s own wants, needs, and goals, and allow them to help select the right therapist for them. 

Seek Your Own Individual Counseling

Acknowledge that there may be ways in which you are contributing to your child’s distress. Even the most loving, dedicated, and supportive of parents make mistakes and have blind spots. Therefore, working with your own teen therapist can offer you additional guidance and a new perspective. You can use this as an opportunity to make a pact with your teen and commit to starting therapy together. Seeking therapy for parents also demonstrates that you view your teen’s wellbeing as a team effort. Your child is not singled out as “the problem”; rather, you are all working collectively to address both personal and familial issues. Lastly, parenting a teen who is struggling with their mental health can be emotionally taxing on other family members – especially the parents. You also deserve your own space to process the challenging experience of watching someone you love in pain. When you take care of yourself, you are better able to take care of others.  

Incentivize Your Teen to Start Therapy

If talking alone isn’t working, you may find it helpful to leverage your negotiating power to get your teen to start therapy. An example of this might be, “If you attend six consecutive weeks of therapy, we will honor that commitment you’ve made by [insert enticing activity/item/etc. that you are willing to offer your teen].” Frame this as a way of demonstrating your appreciation for them and your acknowledgment of their hard work. You can create a written contract that both of you sign, and continue to update it as time goes on. 

Suggest Online Therapy

Oftentimes, teens won’t want to go to therapy because they feel mental health is stigmatized and/or they’re embarrassed to meet with someone in-person. It could also be that they’re unwilling to put in the time and energy involved in meeting with someone in-person. You may find that they are more receptive to the idea of online therapy instead, as it can feel like a less intimidating commitment.

Give Them Space

Once your teen begins therapy, respect their need for privacy. It’s normal for parents to worry and want to be heavily involved in the therapeutic process, but it’s important for teens to build an individual relationship with their therapist. Although you may be tempted to ask your teen or their teen therapist questions about counseling, this can be counterproductive, as trust and confidentiality are essential parts of successful therapy. Even before your child begins therapy, you can let them know that you will respect their space and need for confidentiality; this alone can be persuasive. 

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