Weathering the Storm of Grief & Adapting to Loss

The loss of a loved one is utterly devastating and disorienting. It may feel like your world has turned upside down as the loss impacts every aspect of your reality. Not only does grief disrupt your health, relationships, and responsibilities, but it also shakes your sense of identity, stability, and belonging. Therefore, it is natural to wonder when this sharp pain of grief will soften. And while grief does not follow a predictable timeline, it does change over time. If you are struggling to adapt to a loss, the definitions below can help orient you to the evolution of grief.

Grief

Grief is the natural, complex response to loss. Like snowflakes, each experience of grief is unique, yet there are universal commonalities among these experiences. It is important to note that just as death is permanent, so is the grief we feel in its aftermath. However, as described below, the quality of grief evolves.

Acute Grief

Acute grief is the initial form of grief that is often intense and dominates the mind of the bereaved person. You can think of acute grief as a severe thunderstorm that completely takes over your life. A storm that cancels plans and makes the power go out. When we experience acute grief, we instinctively rely on certain thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to cope with the stress of the loss. For example, we may avoid reminders of the loss, place blame, or protest the reality of the loss. You can think of these coping strategies as the lit candles and flashlights we use to survive the power outage.

Integrated Grief

Integrated grief is a lasting form of grief that holds a place in the bereaved person’s life without dominating it. Just as the spring season has its fair share of rain, integrated grief can still become more activated and painful at times. However, the person with integrated grief allows the storm of grief to pass through and experiences their relationship with the deceased bloom in new ways.

Prolonged Grief

In some cases, the severe thunderstorm of acute grief lasts for long periods of time. This is known as prolonged grief. Prolonged grief is a form of grief that is persistent, preoccupying, and interferes with daily functioning. Prolonged grief occurs when certain initial forms of coping interfere with a bereaved person’s ability to adapt to loss. For example, imagine only using a flashlight to see for the rest of your life. While it helped you survive the severe thunderstorm, it would be extremely difficult to live this way forever.

Acceptance + Restoration

Adapting to loss involves working to accept the reality of the loss and the permanence of grief. Adaptation also includes reconnecting with the personal goals, beliefs, people, and experiences that bring your life purpose, hope, and meaning. This process takes time, and if you are in need of additional support, please consider reaching out to the Repose team.

The Power of Metaphors

Metaphors are powerful tools for understanding grief. If you pause and look at the world around you, you may notice that the patterns of life and loss are all around. While weather metaphors illustrate the concepts in this blog, creating your own metaphors for grief can be a healing activity.

For more information on prolonged grief and prolonged grief disorder therapy (PGDT), contact us and visit https://prolongedgrief.columbia.edu/ Written by Brooks Perkey, LMSW.